Etching dreams on the white paper of memories…

Archive for the ‘Confessions’ Category

Alter before the Altar

 

Lonely but with you..

The waters seem to answer silent questions of the heart...

 

My feelings are flying through the blue sky..
Noone’s watching them go by..

Clutching the wings of my heart..
As it aches when you say bye and depart..

As my fingertips touch the Keys..
Imprinting the emotions of regrets..
A reckless talent of quick speech I make..
Hours to recover from pain , I take..

Living in the bubble of imaginary love..
Pleasing my floating heart somehow..
Looking at your eyes which are bright like sun..
Blinding me forever ,in pain I moan…

Wish I could take a photograph of my love..
Pin it up and display it to you now..
Your words are an object of my desire..
Curiosity blazing like unending fire..

Fading away colours of happy hours..
Building up sorrow like majestic towers..
I fall apart evrytime you yell..
Curdling and twisting

my gut like hell..

Falling in love without provocation..
Caring for you everytime with dedication..
Irking you is never my intention..
But you leave me alone in my depression..

I couldn’t say.. But I can write..
Don’t leave me in this plight..
Even though my faults are too apparent..
I still need your valuable comments..

Times are getting tougher..
And you are getting farther..
Don’t do this so many times..
That without you I start feeling fine..

~~~$ap~~~

P.s : One who bear your negatives loves you for what you are.. keeping away from such a person would fetch you lonliness..
Above poem is written taking a situation where fights happen on silly matters.. and anger of one aggravates so much that the other is left speechless and in tears..
However the angry one leaves the scene for some fresh air and solace.. Now what happens if thse kind of situations happen many times.. and more frequently.. well the thoughts of that
person in tears are penned down.. Hope I could write up to the mark..!

Read the quote below somewhere…
Needing someone is like needing a parachute.
If he isn’t there the first time you need him,
chances are you won’t be needing him again.

Appointing myself to disappoint….

It started when I was a child. Always trying to do right so as to make sure no one was disappointed in me. Numerous occasions where I never threw tantrums at home for going on a school trip , just to make my parents happy , to make them feel I always listen to them even if I felt it was a safe trip.. or when my friends asked me for some help ( could be as silly as replying to casual mails at office ) when I am loaded with work, or when I had and wanted to do something else but I end up succumbing to others desires. All this was just to MAKE SURE NO ONE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME!!

Truth is that I never felt someone acknowledge my doings. Was it that they felt its “Normal” ME? …. What is “Normal” me actually..??  Someone who does not expect anything..? In the first place I expect nobody to feel unhappy about me.. Times taught me that its not possible to keep everyone happy or rather make everyone feel happy about me.. There has been numerous case where the closeness is CLOSED! Right.. relationships didn’t work for me because they felt I wasn’t the way they wanted me to be.. while all the while I had been trying to make exactly the opposite… to what they wanted me to….

Not much has changed except the massive number of people I can disappoint now. I try so very hard on a daily basis to say the right things and do the right things so that no one is unhappy with me. Most days, making a decision is left for someone else because my choice may inconvenience them. I try to point out the silver lining in everything so others can find some happiness, too. I try.

To be honest, it’s exhausting. And the trouble is, I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to not care. And what is worse than disappointing someone else? Well, nothing- but disappointing myself is a close second.

The Mirror of truth

Drink the truth..

Come rain,  floods or just seasons..

I can hear your heart’s summons..

As I look back into my past..

I can see lot of shadows cast..

About friendships

About brotherhood

About love

And about everything else..

Swallowing every drop of those moments..

I wish nobody would ever lament..

For as I peer at my future..

It almost looks the same!

~~~$ap~~~