Etching dreams on the white paper of memories…

It started when I was a child. Always trying to do right so as to make sure no one was disappointed in me. Numerous occasions where I never threw tantrums at home for going on a school trip , just to make my parents happy , to make them feel I always listen to them even if I felt it was a safe trip.. or when my friends asked me for some help ( could be as silly as replying to casual mails at office ) when I am loaded with work, or when I had and wanted to do something else but I end up succumbing to others desires. All this was just to MAKE SURE NO ONE WAS DISAPPOINTED IN ME!!

Truth is that I never felt someone acknowledge my doings. Was it that they felt its “Normal” ME? …. What is “Normal” me actually..??  Someone who does not expect anything..? In the first place I expect nobody to feel unhappy about me.. Times taught me that its not possible to keep everyone happy or rather make everyone feel happy about me.. There has been numerous case where the closeness is CLOSED! Right.. relationships didn’t work for me because they felt I wasn’t the way they wanted me to be.. while all the while I had been trying to make exactly the opposite… to what they wanted me to….

Not much has changed except the massive number of people I can disappoint now. I try so very hard on a daily basis to say the right things and do the right things so that no one is unhappy with me. Most days, making a decision is left for someone else because my choice may inconvenience them. I try to point out the silver lining in everything so others can find some happiness, too. I try.

To be honest, it’s exhausting. And the trouble is, I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to not care. And what is worse than disappointing someone else? Well, nothing- but disappointing myself is a close second.

The Mirror of truth

Drink the truth..

Come rain,  floods or just seasons..

I can hear your heart’s summons..

As I look back into my past..

I can see lot of shadows cast..

About friendships

About brotherhood

About love

And about everything else..

Swallowing every drop of those moments..

I wish nobody would ever lament..

For as I peer at my future..

It almost looks the same!

~~~$ap~~~

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Comments on: "Appointing myself to disappoint…." (10)

  1. santhosh said:

    hmmm.. in reality.. nobody can satisfy everyone and tats a matter of fact tat everyone shud agree.. but strangely everyone will feel the same thing as you ve written.. but many ppl feel happy when they see ppl around them are happy and you feel you are more happy when the reason is you.. yes handling relations becomes tough when expectations starts increasing.. that is where the problem arises.. a call.. a message.. it could be a silliest of thing on the earth.. the one who handles it is happier than the happiest

    • true.. Handling comes only with things.. We have to care for ppl and not handle them.. And yes.. expectations are slow poison.. its always good to have someone who does things for you or cares for you… nobody would resent that..

  2. sambeet said:

    hey! that’s so okay to try making others not disappointed in you, but it is also ok ‘not to care’.

    • Right sammy… That’s exactlywhere am caught.. ! 😦 Well.. you care and care always.. but then who will care for you if you dont give time to yourself.. and b’coz of your extra care on others you end up disappointing them when u cant keep up to your own standards sometimes.. right?

  3. Hmm u knw y u feel ur not acknowledged for the things u do to others, tats cos u may be doin stuff to a wrong person.. Also Sap, dont luv n care for people who r not wrth it.. dont do things for them all the time, its time for u to do things for urself.. am sure u ll be the happiest:) ur actions need not depend on any one else.. u knw at the moment only ur family are the worthiest people so give the luv n care for them.. Rest all can stay at a distance..

  4. manjushree said:

    I agree with pams…completely agree with wat he says.. its high time… u do things for urself..:)..:)

    • Right Mads.. I too agree with you agreeing with him 😉

      I am doing things for myself. Its just that I cant stop caring …

  5. Hmmm.. Others have said it all so I am not going to repeate the same. Perhaps, life is like that, no matter how hard we try, we end up living for others. It can be even small things like you pointed out. In return some would appreciate and the rest don’t. The reason why the dont’s don’t again can vary. So it is wise to bother only those who like/love you for what you are than what you do… For the rest ‘ignorance is bliss’, though I know it isn’t easy..

    • Its never possible to ignore whom you care for. That’s the whole point. Let’s hope what Lijo said happens to some extent atleast. Coz its reallybad to lose someone who cares for you. coz You never know when you will be alone again and nobody to ask for you..

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